Friday, 28 March 2008

"When More People Do Stuff, More Stuff Gets Done!"

The head of the Calgary Police Association says that more officers would solve more crimes.

Whoa. Slow down, Einstein.

But let us redeem that banality by using it as a pretext to observe an intriguing fact about the reality of Canadian crime. For too, tediously long, the West (i.e. Alberta) has worn like a dollar-store tiara the fanciful perception of itself as a disciplined, law-abiding land of God-fearing, upright folks who can only stand aghast at the havoc being wreaked upon the nation's moral fabric by the relativist, hug-a-thug policies of the decadent Eastern élite. The "Conservative" Party presumably expects those of us languishing in the benighted cesspools of Quebec and Ontario to thank Astarte and Baal that the "Alberta Solution" to crime has swept into Ottawa like a divine wind.

I have a better idea: let us be absolutely clear about which Canadian regions exhibit the strongest criminal proclivities. Data from 2006 (the latest available) tell us some fascinating things. Firstly, overall crime rates were highest, by far, in the West and were lowest in Ontario and Quebec. Secondly, urban homicide rates were highest in Regina, Saskatoon, and Edmonton and were lowest in the major Eastern cities. Overall, Quebec (liberal, decadent, relativist Quebec!) had one of the lowest rates of homicide in the country.

Note to Stephen Harper: we decadent, "commie" Easterners clearly do not need the "Alberta Solution" to crime. You Westerners, though, would do well to look into the "Eastern Solution" (if ever you tire of shooting and stabbing each other, naturally). If you ask us nicely, we'll be only too happy to help. After all, you are (despite what you like to think), fellow Canadians.


Red Tory said...

I remember back when I first moved to Calgary many years ago and they were “aggressively” recruiting more officers at that time. The teaser in their classified ads was a cheesy clip art picture of a police car and the header: YOU COULD BE DRIVING ONE OF THESE! (Or something to that effect…) Basically, all one needed to be one of Cowtown’s Finest was a clean record and a driver’s license. Yeah, we need more high quality folks like that getting busy solving all those “unsolvable” crimes.

But to the point of your post, yes, it’s quite amusing how high and mighty some of the more righteously bellicose residents of Calgary and Delisle, Saskatchewan are at preaching to the rest of Canada about how they should be addressing the imaginary “crime problem” considering the shabby situation in their own backyards.

Aeneas the Younger said...

What the REALLY mean is you need more Cops to beat-down on the minorities that are a large part of the population in Toronto and Montreal. So transparent ...